Thoughts for the Day . . .

So we all get those e-mails, the ones that have the funny thoughts that you've seen 8 BILLION times. We scan through them and then delete them and think, those are fun, but I hope I never see that one again.

Well, my friends, I got this e-mail the other day with brand new and EXCITING thoughts of the day and it had me spitting diet coke through my nose. I knew I had to share. I hope you all get as big of a kick out of these as I did. Happy Hump Day!

Thoughts for the Day

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Bad decisions make good stories

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard.. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in. . . (10 second lapse) . . . ummm . . . Goonies"

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

I think the freezer deserves a light as well


The Horse Whisperer

I have ranted long and hard about The Horse Whisperer, the movie. Robert Redford's interpretation of this book just plain SUCKS. This is one of the best books ever written, in my humble opinion, and Redford bought the rights and ripped it apart. What makes it worse is Nicholas Evans let him.

I can't tell you how many people I have told, if you saw the movie and never read the book you are missing out. It is now with great pleasure that I share with you, this review, which I totally stole from Recorded Books.com. It's not just me folks:

4 out of 5 Stars Much more enjoyable than the movie!!!(Review of The Horse Whisperer)

This story came alive for me under the skillful reading of the narrator. . . Ive seen the movie and found myself wishing I had not because it made me want to picture the characters as the actors they were depicted by in the movie. The descriptions given of them though, gave them much more dimension and I would have pictured them entirely differently. Folks, if youve seen the movie and liked it. . . the book is even better! And the original ending, while taking me by surprise, is not to be missed. - Reviewer from Southern California


Writing, the toughest job you'll ever love

Okay, I know I stole the title from that old Peace Corp commercial, but I thought it appropriate.

Webster defines the word author as: one that originates or creates, which is a pretty generic description. I know a lot of authors, some published, some not, and to define them as "one that creates" seems a little nondescript. The women that I know, who write, spill their blood on every page. They can spend thousands of hours, creating a new world and every single thing that lives inside it. A new race of people, a new language, new rules that make an age-old paranormal creature new and exciting again.

It all starts out with an idea. An idea that comes from out of nowhere. One day, you're driving in your car and a crazy woman driving faster than her beat up old Toyota appears to be capable of going, cuts you off. After you swear at her in multiple languages and give her an obscene gesture the thought runs through your mind that she just might be chasing after that idiot in the Hummer who tried to kill you just moments earlier. Maybe the idiot in the Hummer has stolen her prize Chihuahua and she has only minutes to get to the poor beast before she'll collapse from not having her seizure medication. And so it begins. The hours and days of researching Chihuahuas and endless hours talking with vets. Do Chihuahuas really have seizures? What would cause such a thing? Is there a cure? Can a Chihuahua have epilepsy?

We pour hours of our heart, soul and anything else we can possible put into the mix into this woman with the crazy Chihuahua fetish. We discover things about her and her life, that honestly, we didn't need to know. We learn so much about being a veterinarian and what kind of person would truly kidnap a dog that we dream about it. A lot. We keeps pads of paper and pens by the side of our bed, on the off chance that something brilliant comes to us in sleep. We do all of this, so that we can tell the crazy woman's story with a little bit of realism. So that the readers that we one day hope to have, get a true sense of her fear, her love for her animal and the understanding of just how much the anti-depressants really do help.

We go through all of this, so that we can submit to an agent/publisher/CP who will say. . . insert negative comment here.

Why do we do it? Why do we subject ourselves and our talent to this kind of criticism? Why can't we just write for ourselves and be happy with it? Be happy with knowing that we did the best that we could? Because we want the world to love it as much as we do. It's an illness really.

Why do you write?


Mother Daughter Bonding Time

Every mother/daughter relationships has that one thing. The thing that you can talk about and the age difference, the authority and the rest of the b.s. falls away. I am a lucky mom. My daughter and I have lots of those things, at least I think we do.

Crafts are one of those things. While I am trying desperately to get a stocking cross stitched for my daughter before Christmas this year, (yeah right) she has finished her project. All that's left for us to do is mount it and put it away until the time to decorate for Christmas this year. So without further ado, I give you my daughter's finished project and my semi-complete project:

So tell me, what is it that you do, or did, with your kids? Don't have kids? What about your parents, anything special you did when you were a kid? How about now?


Witch Stuff Rules!

I was at JoAnn's with my daughter last night looking into stuff to make for the many babies that are winging their way into our lives, in 8 or 9 months, and I saw the cutest witch stuff. I love Halloween. . .



I just finished watching the series premiere of The Vampire Diaries. Let me preface this post by saying, I loved Ian Somerhalder in Lost. Boone was one of my favorite characters and I was sad to see him go.

Did anyone else watch this? I know it premiered last week, but I did the whole DVR thing and just watched it on Tuesday night. I love this show. I would like to give respect where respect is due, this series is based on a series of books by L.J. Smith called, what else, The Vampire Diaries, and while I did think I might want to pick these books up, cause the show is so totally awesome, I think I'm going to pass. I'm already reading comments from readers of the books, that while the show is great, they changed a few characters, a few characteristics to make it work for TV. I hate it when they do that even if it works, so I'm just gonna go with, I love this show!

SO! In honor of The Vampire Diaries, I'm give you some of my favorite vampires. Some new, some not so new, but favorites nonetheless. . .


LSM - Cops/Private Eyes/FBI Agents/Secret Agents

Ladies! Welcome back. This edition of LSM is only partial LSM the other half still have their shirts on but they're super H O T so we forgive them. I give you cops, FBIS and such. Happy Thursday!


The LSM Club is Back!

Thanks to Silver and her wonderful mind, tomorrow's LSM club will feature hot and smexy cops and PI's from your favorite TV shows and movies. I have a few smoldering through my head. Any suggestions? All are welcome. Check back tomorrow.


There are lines you just don't cross. Ever!

I am the mother of two children. They are both old enough now to take out into public, most days, and not cause a scene. Having said that, it has not always been the case. At several points in their very young lives both of my children have acted out in public. They have screamed, they have cried and they have tried to get what they want in the only way their young brains knew how. This does not make it okay. I believe as a parent it is your responsibility to make sure that your children behave appropriate in public, your responsibility, no one else.

I recently read this article on a man in Georgia (I think) who slapped another woman's child in order to get her to "shut up" because the mother didn't do an efficient job in his mind. He has been arrested and charged with a felony but I'm not sure there is a punishment to fit this crime. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't deserve the electric chair or anything, but do you think probation is going to correct this behavior?

Tell me friends, what do you think? Inquiring minds and all that . . .


Kreativ Blogger Award

It's an honor just to be nominated . . .

Wait, sorry, that's a different speech. So I'd like to say thank you to the Prairie Chicks and the Screaming O Blog for nominating my humble little blog for the Kreativ Blogger Award. I am feeling a little unworthy seeing as how I haven't been the most consistent blogger lately. Anyway, the rules are as follows: blog about 7 things about yourself that others might not know (and probably want to, discretion ladies, discretion) and nominate 7 other blogs. I'm not sure that I know of 7 other blogs that haven't already been nominated. I'm just that kind lazy, but I'm going to do my best. Here goes . . .

1. I love being a mom. I got pregnant with my daughter when I was 21 years old and I was a little worried about it. Having always been a very selfish person I wasn't sure if I could handle putting someone else first, but after giving birth to my beautiful little girl it seemed to come to me naturally. Being a mom is my favorite job ever, albeit not the easiest one.

2. I used to play the flute. I started playing the flute in the fourth grade but unfortunately gave it up during my misspent teenage years. A friend of mine started playing recently and I learned that I still know how to play the instrument even if I have forgotten how to read music.

3. I make really awesome salsa. My family & friends insist that I could sell it and make big bucks, but I'm not that ambitious. Yet.

4. I love to water ski. My Uncle Ronald taught me how to water ski when I was in elementary school and I love it. Now if I only owned a boat. . .

5. I spent most of the year I was 16 touring the west coast with a friend. We saw beautiful country and beaches. Oregon. If you haven't been, you're missing out.

6. I won $4,500 on the radio in 2003. One of the local radio stations, you know those fun contests where you enter online and if they call your name you win. I WON! How cool is that???

7. I'm not all that interesting. It took me nearly 20 minutes to come up with six items listed above. I'm pathetic and sad! :)

Okay, so my 7 nominees are the following:

Venus Vaughn - What Was I Thinking

Hayley Lavik - Eventide Unmasked

Murder She Writes

Maureen Child - History Day, every Monday

DeSeRt RoSe BoOkLoGuE

Jill Shalvis

and last, but not least . . .

Naughty and Spice Blog

Happy Tuesday everybody.