Dreams

"There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, 'Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams.' Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they're still there. These are great dreams, but they never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, 'How good or how bad am I?' That's where courage comes in.” ― Erma Bombeck

So I've become a person with a box of dreams. I don't quite know how it happened, but there it is. A box. It's not even a pretty box. It's plain and paper bag brown. It's not very heavy, which is surprising. With all of the things that it holds you think it would weight a ton. Turns out dreams don't weigh very much, it's the product of dreams that carry the weight. A dream is only a thought. Sometimes fleeting, sometimes constant, but it's nothing substantive, not until you put it into action.

I've decided to take one of my dreams out of the box and put it into action. I was sitting down with a friend of mine tonight and I was looking through my previous blogs for a specific entry, which I didn't find, and I saw all of the ideas that I had swimming around in my head, the summaries that I had put onto paper. It's my dream to write. It's my dream to be published. It's my ULTIMATE dream to make enough money writing to be able to do it full-time. So why is it that I can't seem to find the time to do it? Why is it that I push it aside? I can admit that sometimes it's just because I'm lazy. I work 6 days a week and on my one day off I like to sit around and vegetate or watch football, or baseball, or Arrow. I mean really, who can't get behind a couple of hours of Oliver Queen? But that's not what I dream of. Okay, it's hardly what I dream of. Sometimes I dream of Oliver Queen, but I swear it's not often.

So, that's what I'm going to do. Stop dreaming and start acting. I want to finish at least one story this year. Even if it sucks. I have a variety that I could choose from. Jack & Carly, Megan, the actress & the bodyguard, the murder mystery. I just have to finish one of them. It doesn't have to be ready to send out to anyone, just complete. Baby steps.

It Came to Me in a Dream

Looking back on the weeks that followed the discovery of my husband's affair I can see how I might have landed myself in this holding cell.

I told everyone.

I told my mom, "I'm gonna run that bitch over with my car."

I told my best friend, "There's already body damage to the front end. Who's to know?"

I even told my therapist, who promptly asked if she needed to call and warn her she was in danger. "I don't know." I had said, "Do you think it might give her pause?"

How was I to know someone else would actually run the dumb tramp over?

The thing is I wouldn't actually run her over. At least I'm pretty sure I wouldn't, but when I said those things I was venting. You know, I'm so mad I could kill her. You don't intend to. They're just words. At least they're supposed to be. Apparently someone meant them, but I swear it wasn't me. Honest!

I've never had an idea for a mystery before. I'm still working out the details, but here is one more idea to go into the book of "One day I'm going to be a writer".

Can I be a good writer?

I have been debating about whether or not to continue on with my dream of writing. Life keeps getting in the way and I have thus far been unsuccessful in my endeavor to finish a story.

I don't want to go into all the why's and how for's of why I'm not getting anything done because it's very personal and I don't feel like sharing quite that much with the entire world wide web; however, it's been on my mind. What makes someone a good writer?

Do you have to be able to wax poetically like say, Jane Austen? Do you have to be able to scare the bejeebers out of someone like say, Stephen King? Do you have to be able to write a best seller like say, Danielle Steel or John Grisham? I don't think so. I think that as long as you have a story to tell and a pencil (or writing implement of your choice) and paper you can write.

One of my favorite writers is Erma Bombeck. She left us way too soon and took her talent and her humor with her. She had a way with words that always brought a smile to my face or a tear to my eye. I'd like to share with you all some of my favorite Erma Bombeck quotes and one column. She reminds me that we don't all have to be Charlotte Bronte to be a writer.

I hope you all enjoy these as much as I do. Here's Erma....

“Housework can kill you if done right.”
― Erma Bombeck

“Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.”
― Erma Bombeck

“No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.”
― Erma Bombeck

“Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.”
― Erma Bombeck

“My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.”
― Erma Bombeck

“There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, 'Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams.' Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they're still there. These are great dreams, but they never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, 'How good or how bad am I?' That's where courage comes in.”
― Erma Bombeck

“When God Created Mothers"

When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said. "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."

And God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?" She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts...all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands."

The angel shook her head slowly and said. "Six pairs of hands.... no way."

It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God remarked, "it's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have."

That's on the standard model?" asked the angel. God nodded.

One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, 'What are you kids doing in there?' when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word."

God," said the angel touching his sleeve gently, "Get some rest tomorrow...."

I can't," said God, "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick...can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger...and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower."

The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed.

But tough!" said God excitedly. "You can imagine what this mother can do or endure."

Can it think?"

Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise," said the Creator.

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek.

There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model."

It's not a leak," said the Lord, "It's a tear."

What's it for?"

It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride."

You are a genius, " said the angel.

Somberly, God said, "I didn't put it there.”
― Erma Bombeck, When God Created Mothers

The Kind of Author I Want To Be

I'm on a Nora Robert's trilogy kick. I've just finished listening to The Key Trilogy and I'm working my way through my favorites. In case you're wondering, and I know you are, my favorites are as follows in no particular order: The Key Trilogy, The In Garden Trilogy, The Sign of Seven Trilogy, Three Sisters Island Trilogy and The Gallagher's of Ardmore Trilogy. I think that's most of the trilogies she's written. Hmmmm.

That's the kind of author I want to be, where my reader's love my books and read them over and over again. When I was reading Key of Light I couldn't wait to get back to it and when I finished it I missed the characters in between books. I actually put off reading new books so that I could read this series. Is that normal?

There are other authors that I feel this way about. J.R. Ward is one of them, I've re-read the entire BDB series with the exception of Phury's book. I've re-read Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series. I plan on re-reading Stephanie Bond's Carlotta Wren series (LOVE THEM ALL) and I have read my Jennifer Crusie books so many times that I've had to replace them. Lisa Kleypas, Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Toni McGee Causey, I could just go on and on, but I won't.

What is it that these writers have that makes their stories so incredible and real that I want to read them over and over again? This is the kind of author I want to be. Any ideas on how to get there? (No smart comments about finishing a book either. Just sayin'.)

Stories Keep Coming . . .

Why is it that the stories keep coming to me even though the writing process hasn't been part of my life for many many months now?

I was at work the other day, cuz I have to do that instead of write, and the song Candle In The Wind came on my player, you know, the one by Elton John, anyway, for those of you who don't know, I am a huge Marilyn Monroe fan. I'm not sure fan is the right word. She intrigues me. Everything about her life and death. I find her fascinating. So, while this song is playing I'm thinking about all the things that I have learned about her from the many many different books that I have read. How the public perceived her, how other actors perceived her and then how she perceived herself.

Wouldn't ya know it, a story came to mind. It's a story about an actress who has finally popped into the Hollywood scene. She's blonde, has a beauty mark, curves that would wreck a Ferrari and a type-casting problem. She's played the stupid high school girl, a porn star and the bimbo more times that she can recall. Her agent assures her better roles are right around the corner. She's thinking about switching agents.

Her adoring fans are numerous but there's one in particular who stands out. He's stalking her. The serious worry began when the creepy deliveries to her home started. Her agent has hired her a bodyguard until this gets worked out.

The bodyguard is a hard body retired SEAL. (I think) He's sure the actress is an idiot and can't believe he's been stuck babysitting her. Sure she's nice to look at but he prefers women who can think without smoke coming out of their ears.

The actress thinks her bodyguard is a thug who couldn't think his way out of a paper bag. She's pretty sure her agent was scraping the bottom of the barrel for this loser.

These two are stuck with each other 24/7 until this whole mess gets resolved. What could possibly go wrong?

That's it. Thanks for letting me share. One day this might be a complete story. Think it will be before I retire?

The Way I imagine my characters

When I start writing a new story the first thing I do, after the basic plot is created, is design my characters. I typically have a basic understanding of what they look like. For example, in Jack & Carly, I based my two main characters on my favorite couple from an old soap opera I used to watch. The actors are Maura West and Michael Park. They were the inspiration for my characters.



In Megan's Story, Megan was easy. I just knew she was Jessica Stroup. I had a harder time deciding who Cole Turner was, but eventually found Logan Marshall-Green.





I have several stories sitting on the back burner. One is a YA that isn't romance but fiction. The two young girls in this story are based on real people so finding pictures of them aren't easy because I see clearly in my head who they really are. So I'm looking around for what I think could represent these girls. I've come up with a young Drew Barrymore and a young Ashley Greene. These are subject to change.

The other story I have sitting on the back burner with a pretty clear plot doesn't have a title or even a working title, but I have a picture for the hero already picked out, though I don't think any of you will be surprised. It's Taylor Kitsch. The heroine in this story has a face but not a thought out character profile. I really like Sophia Bush. I think she's gorgeous. Didn't you all love her in John Tucker Must Die?

So this is how the character development starts out. Since I'm still reasonably new at this I'm learning as I go. Here's what I've learned so far. These photos are great guidelines but mean absolutely nothing. Maura & Michael started out as my characters. The people I was writing about, and while they physical characteristics haven't necessarily changed, the way I see them in my head while I write has. I no longer see them as the characters. The more I write, the more they separate from my original picture and are metamorphosing into something all their own.

So my question for all of you who write, does this happen to you? Do you pick photos for your characters or do you just work with what's in your head?

By the way, HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!

Favorite Characteristics

I would like to start off by saying that nothing in this blog is a criticism. Jennifer Crusie is one of my all time favorite authors and I love absolutely everything that she has written. Alone. On with the post.

Being an avid reader there are lots of books that I will read at least once a year. Jennifer Crusie authors a lot of those books. This being the case, I have begun to pick up on something. A lot of her female characters have similar features. Examples are:

Minerva Dobbs from Bet Me - "...her hair cut in short loose curls that glinted in the sun..."

Nina Askew from Anyone But You - "...her short dark curls were rumpled..."

Sophie Dempsey from Welcome to Temptation - "...all that dark curly hair..."

Maddie Faraday from Tell Me Lies - "...all dark curls and warm curves..."

Tess Newhart from Strange Bedpersons - "...but she ran her fingers through her short red curls..."

Tilda Goodnight from Faking It - "...Davy stared at her dark loopy curls..."

Dennie Banks from Trust Me on This - "...Dennie Banks shoved her dark curls from her face..."

Agnes Crandall from Agnes and the Hitman - "...dark curls bouncing..."

Andie Miller from Maybe This Time - "...all those crazy curls yanked back..."

Are you seeing where I'm headed with this? I would have never noticed except that I listened to Maybe This Time, Agnes and the Hitman and Welcome to Temptation all pretty recently and close together. Then I started remember all her other books (that I love) and all her heroines have curly hair. I thought they all might be dark, but there are a few redheads thrown in the mix.

Is this one of those rules that only a published author can break? Is it a rule at all? Do we really care?

Have you ever noticed anything like this about one of your favorite authors? Please share.

Happy Monday and all that jazz.

Back on the Write Track (Get it???)

I've lost my way on the path to completing a book. I stumbled, broke my spirit and refused to get back up.

My very first attempt at writing was when I was a kid. Maybe eight years old. I started writing a story called Bingo. It was of course, about a dog. I don't remember if I finished it. Odds are not in my favor. All of my witing as a teenager was poetry. Angst driven poetry. I will admit, I'm a bit of a drama queen. I know you're all shocked and surprised. [insert sarcasm here]

About seven years ago I started to get serious about writing. I was reading Jenny Crusie and Janet Evanovich and thinking that not all writing had to be Nora Roberts and Karen Robards. I was impressed. Not that I don't love Roberts and Robards, I do, but this was just different. Published authors were writing witty dialogue, fun and funny characters with outlandish dilemmas and hitting the best seller list.

I had never given writing a serious chance because I knew I wasn't capable of writing like Sandra Brown, Danielle Steel, Nora Roberts or Karen Robards. I knew that kind of writing just wasn't in me, but now. Wow, a whole new world of opportunities was opened up for me and I knew I needed to give this a try.

I immediately started searching Google for articles on writing. I found character questionnaires, blogs on "how to", web pages from publishers, blogs from agents, and a million helpful hints. I was quite overwhelmed. So I took a step back and pulled only what really interested me. How do you get started?

I'd had an idea a month before while taking a shower, all the best ideas come in the shower, about a woman whose mother had been married and divorced a dozen times. In this woman's opinion, not only did her mother have lousy taste in men, but all men were cheaters. Period. No discussion. Her past relationships had only driven this point home for her.

Then there was my hero. I'm so in love with him myself I'm finding it hard to find a reason why our heroine wouldn't want to be with him. He's strong, handsome, successful and married. Sort of. His wife is a cheater. He walked in on her riding some stranger in their bed and had enough. He packed his bags and moved out and started the divorce proceedings. Here's the catch. The wife's mother is dying of cancer. Our hero loves this woman. She was like a mother to him after his own mother passed away when he was just a boy. He would do anything to see that her last days are peaceful or as peaceful as possible. So when the wife comes to him and asks him to play along as if they're still married for the sake of the mother, he agrees.

I was jumping up and down knowing that I was bloody BRILLIANT. Who in their right mind would not want to read this story? I mean really! I sat down that same day and started filling out my character questionnaire sheets. I didn't even finish before the first scene came to me and the writing began.

During this process I joined a group of other writers who I let read my BRILLIANT idea. They told me it wouldn't work. They told me that the hero couldn't be married. A publisher would NEVER buy it. Maybe a published author could get away with it, but not me. I was crushed. I put my idea away and tried to figure out how to make it work. How could my story still work with this snag? It couldn't. I couldn't figure it out, so I put them away.

I started working on other things and then life got in the way and I stopped writing all together.

Recently I've become phone friends with Nichol. She's great. We chat about books, writing, kids. Stuff. She has inspired me to get back to writing. She told me, in not so many words, that it didn't matter what other people thought about my story line. If I liked it I needed to finish it.

Wow. No one who knows me well would ever think that what someone else thought would be so important to me. I'd let these other people's opinion influence my own decision. I'd given up on a story because of what a small group of people thought. Holy crap! Since when do I care what other people think??? It's not like I thought my very first attempt at writing was going to hit the best seller list. Hell, I didn't even think it would make it out of my house. You could actually HEAR reality crashing in around me.

So, I'm back to writing my story. I love this story and I'm going to write it the way that I see it. I don't care if a publisher will ever publish it. This is for me. I need to finish this book.

Thank you Nichol. You are the best!

Best Kinds of Kisses

So, I have this kissing scene in my head for Megan and Cole and while I don't have a lot of details yet, I can see the kiss in my head. They're arguing over something, cuz that's what they do. I'm thinking it's about why he left her the first time and at some point during her rant, he boxes her in, puts his hands on either side of her face and kisses her.

In my opinion, face touching is hot during a kiss. Anyone ever see Simply Irresistible with Sara Michelle Gellar and Sean Patrick Flanery? There's this kiss in her kitchen where he is touching her face with his fingers. Just running them over her cheeks, and then he comes in for the kiss. It makes my tummy drop. I was trying to find this clip for you on You Tube, but they don't have it and apparently I don't have the capabilities to clip it from the DVD that I own, so I was searching around. I found this kiss, from Catch and Release. It makes my tummy drop too. Plus, Timothy Oliphant. HOT HOT HOT!



What's your idea of the perfect kiss?

What about when the Writer deserts the Muse?

Do you remember my muse, the "Fancy" Caped Jones, and the conversation we had last year about her deserting me for two angels on sabbatical?

I keep telling you they weren't angels, angels don't sunbathe in the buff and these guys were definitely buff...

Yeah, okay, quit trying to distract me. Anyway, as I was saying, I was left to write on my own. It was fuzzy, soundless, blah blah blah. It sucked, but I persevered and wrote on without her.

Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

Quit interrupting.

But what happens when the writer deserts the Muse? It's my understanding that a Muse cannot write on her own. She is only capable of helping humans create and unable to create on her own. At least that's the way they explain it it the movie Dogma. Go Kevin Smith! ANYWAY, as our current situation would have it, I have deserted Fancy. I've had things happen in my personal life that have changed my daily schedule and unfortunately writing has had to take a back seat to life.

This has put quite a crimp in Fancy's life and she has taken her revenge by following me every where I go and singing Henry VIII I am and reminding me that I made a promise. Not only a promise to myself, but also a promise to her. I promised that I would finish Megan's story.

She did and she hasn't.

She's right, I did promise and I haven't held up my end of the deal. Having said that I don't think the punishment fits the crime this time, no offense Fancy but you can't carry a tune all that well. I thought Muses were suppose to be all inspiring.

We are!

There is nothing inspiring about your singing. I'm sorry.

Apparently there's nothing inspiring about your writing either, otherwise you'd be on top of it!

Hey now, I've been busy. I have lots of things going on.

Whatever!

I'll make you a deal,

What kind of a deal?

Quit interrupting and I'll tell you,

Fine!

You did it again.

Sorry.

Okay, if you quit singing I will make a concerted effort to write 100 words a day.

You've said that before...

Yes, I know, but I will be better this time.

Promise?

Yes, Fancy I promise.

Alright, but if you fall off the wagon, I'm grabbing my microphone and there will be NO SLEEP FOR YOU!

Deal. I've announced it publicly and everything. You have it in writing. You heard it here, I promise to write 100 words a day or else Fancy has permission to drive me to drink.

Drinking is an option? You never mentioned that before....

Have you ever deserted your muse? Is she evil like mine?

Writing, the toughest job you'll ever love . . .

Okay, I know I stole the title from that old Peace Corp commercial, but I thought it appropriate.

Webster defines the word author as: one that originates or creates, which is a pretty generic description. I know a lot of authors, some published, some not, and to define them as "one that creates" seems a little nondescript. The women that I know, who write, spill their blood on every page. They can spend thousands of hours, creating a new world and every single thing that lives inside it. A new race of people, a new language, new rules that make an age-old paranormal creature new and exciting again.

It all starts out with an idea. An idea that comes from out of nowhere. One day, you're driving in your car and a crazy woman driving faster than her beat up old Toyota appears to be capable of going, cuts you off. After you swear at her in multiple languages and give her an obscene gesture the thought runs through your mind that she just might be chasing after that idiot in the Hummer who tried to kill you just moments earlier. Maybe the idiot in the Hummer has stolen her prize Chihuahua and she has only minutes to get to the poor beast before she'll collapse from not having her seizure medication. And so it begins. The hours and days of researching Chihuahuas and endless hours talking with vets. Do Chihuahuas really have seizures? What would cause such a thing? Is there a cure? Can a Chihuahua have epilepsy?

We pour hours of our heart, soul and anything else we can possible put into the mix into this woman with the crazy Chihuahua fetish. We discover things about her and her life, that honestly, we didn't need to know. We learn so much about being a veterinarian and what kind of person would truly kidnap a dog that we dream about it. A lot. We keeps pads of paper and pens by the side of our bed, on the off chance that something brilliant comes to us in sleep. We do all of this, so that we can tell the crazy woman's story with a little bit of realism. So that the readers that we one day hope to have, get a true sense of her fear, her love for her animal and the understanding of just how much the anti-depressants really do help.

We go through all of this, so that we can submit to an agent/publisher/CP who will say. . . insert negative comment here.

Why do we do it? Why do we subject ourselves and our talent to this kind of criticism? Why can't we just write for ourselves and be happy with it? Be happy with knowing that we did the best that we could? Because we want the world to love it as much as we do. It's an illness really.

Why do you write?

Originally posted 2009

Recalling your Character

It's been a while since I've written anything on my WIP. This is due to many unique circumstances and while it probably could have been prevented, I didn't do anything to prevent it. I've let my characters carry on in my head for a long time now without giving them any outlet. They've played their stories through my head and I said I would get to them. Eventually.

Eventually is here now. After months of not writing anything except a grocery list I have decided to take the bull by the horns, quit playing so many Facebook games and get down to the business that is writing. I have an hour (or so) every morning that I have the house to myself before I have to leave for work. I have decided to spend this hour writing. Get in some solid WIP time. I even e-mailed my characters to let them know my intentions. You know what they said? We'll be there. Eventually...

H O W R U D E!!!!

I mean really! Just because you harassed and harangued me for months on end without any getting anywhere, does that mean you get to do this to me???? I don't think so! I created you, you are just a figment of my imagination so damn it get back here!

Fine. Maybe I'll go back to working on Carly & Jack. Who needs Megan & Cole when I have Carly & Jack?? So I left a message with Carly & Jack. Told them I was trying to figure out where their story went wrong. I'm ready to sit down, nose to the grindstone and figure it out. They didn't return my call. Are you beginning to sense a theme here?

So here I sit. Ready to write. Pen in hand. Paper before me. Blank. Please characters, please come back to me. I'm sorry I was bad. I truly am. I have all kinds of excuses, but none that are worthy. I'll be better, I promise. Please please please come back to me. I miss you . . .

Music and Lyrics

Everyone needs their own setting for when they write. I have a friend, who puts on her headphones and writes, anywhere. She says that the music doesn't bother her, in fact it drowns out the rest of the world so she can concentrate. She calls it "white noise". I have heard that other people write in coffee shops, book stores, with music on in the background, with scented candles to help them visualize, you get the idea. Many writers have many different ways of setting "the mood" for writing.

I am one of those writers who needs absolute silence. If I am disturbed by music, noise aka my kids, television, whatever, it completely pulls me out of my head. When I read I can be in the middle of a mosh pit, but when I write I need QUIET.

Having said that, I was in my car the other day and I was listening to 'Against All Odds' by Phil Collins. I LOVE this song. The emotion that this song pulls out of me is intense and amazing. I don't associate this song with any person, place or thing, it's just the music and lyrics. This song makes me think of the terrible heartache that a person could, would feel if the person that they loved more than life itself wasn't available to them. Be it death, divorce or irreconcilable differences for one reason or another you can't be with the person that you love.

...and you coming back to me is against the odds, but that's what I've got to face.
I wish I could just make you turn around, turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why, you're the only one who really knew me at all....

And it goes on and on *sniff* gets me every time. I can see the end of Megan's story in this song. Megan and Cole standing at the school where they find her son safe and she's hugging him to her and crying. Cole is standing a distance away from her, watching the scene between mother and son unfold. She stands up holding her son's hand and they walk away with another officer. Back to their lives. And he knows he has to let her go, let her return to the life that she's built with her son.

I get it now. I can see why some writers would use music to help them in their writing. I still couldn't do any actual writing with it playing, but I can see how it helps "set the mood".

Do you have a song that has helped you with a book or a scene?

FINALLY! I'm back

The fabulous IT guy, Scott, has finally come through for me and I'm back up and running.

It's been an interesting week (past 7 days). The Cardinals blew it on Saturday against the Saints in the Playoffs. The defense didn't realize there was a game and stayed home and the offense got a really bad case of Can't Seem to Stop Dropping The Ballitis. I must say though, if we had to get knocked out of the playoffs, I'm glad it was to the Saints. Go Reggie!

My car broke down and spent last week and the weekend in the shop, it is also back home with a new alternator and A/C compressor. Thank goodness for the extended warranty.

And the third thing that went wrong, (you know these things come in threes) I lost my job. I have two part-time jobs to replace the one full time job I was laid off from in January 2008, but now, I am sadly down to one. These things happen. People are still trying to save money and I'm a luxury item. How many people really need a personal assistant? Not many.

It's all good though. Until I can find something else to do on Tuesday & Thursday I'm going to try to put more time towards writing on those days. I'm currently working on an outline based on a true story from my teen-age years. I don't want to get into too much detail, but suffice it to say that I need to schedule some interviews with the people from that "adventure" that I am still in contact with. I want to spend some time and get their side of the story. I think I'm going to be basing it from a couple of different perspectives. I will definitely be discussing this with my beta blogger friends, looking for advice and such.

So what do you do to get over something lousy? Me? I try to redirect my focus. I try to not put too much attention on something I can't change. Everything happens for a reason and I'm sure something awesome is out there waiting for me.

Happy Reading!

Word Count

604 WORDS BA-BEEE!

Go me, go me, go me.

In case you missed it, I'm very proud. Writing 100 words a day is harder than I thought it would be. I have to make an effort just to remember to do it every day, but I am getting it done.

95 more days to go. Thanks to all my friends for encouraging me, it really does help. I have to get back to my day job now.

Join me tomorrow for a the LSM club.

When a hero goes too far

I just finished reading a really good book by a really great author. It was the final book in a trilogy of three sisters. The third sister, we'll call her Miss X, was a troubled young woman who didn't believe in love and had her share of men. She didn't believe in relationships and thought men only wanted her for one thing and made it so with her behavior. Until she met our hero. We'll call him jerkface. Okay fine, we'll call him Mr. X.

Anyway, Miss X and Mr. X meet and fall in love, while she is unsure of his feelings for her and insecure of the relationship in general, he is amazed and dazzled that a girl like her would ever fall in love with a guy like him. Are you seeing the recipe for disaster here?

So Mr. X learns from another party that Miss X has cheated on him, and without asking her about it, without confirming it with another source, he assumes that it must be true because of her history with men. Miss X tries to explain to him that it's not true, but of course, she must be lying. When Miss X learns that she's pregnant by Mr. X, he sends her away, telling her that he doesn't care or believe that it's his baby.

So she leaves. She moves out of the city and decides she's going to make it on her own. And she does. When her son is 4 years old he starts asking about his father and instead of lying to him and telling him that he's dead, she decides it might be time to introduce the two of them. See if Mr. X is willing to have a relationship with his son.

Well Mr X. is pissed off. How dare she keep him from his son all this time. She should have tried harder, after all she knew that he didn't believe her. (Pardon me while I barf on all the righteous indignation.) So Mr. X decides to take something away from her, so she'll have a complete understanding of how devastating what she did was to his ego. Err his life? His time with his son? The relationship that he didn't have with his son?

So Jerkface, I mean Mr. X, takes it upon himself to play Miss X for a fool. Let her believe that he still loves her, that they have a chance together so she'll drop her guard and be devastated when he serves her with papers to take their son away from her.

This MIGHT be a forgivable act IF Mr. X realized what a complete stupid jerk head thing this was to do BEFORE he actually served her with papers. Once she's served, in my opinion, this is unforgivable. There is no going back from this, there is no apology that is appropriate, there is no diamond big enough to forgive this. How do you ever trust a man who would do something like this? How do you ever believe that he isn't playing you again? How can ever trust that he's telling you the truth? HOW? HOW? HOW?

What do y'all think? Am I over reacting? That never happens, I never do that, but I might consider it a possibility if you guys say so. Tell me your opinion. Inquiring minds and all that . . .

Writing, the toughest job you'll ever love

Okay, I know I stole the title from that old Peace Corp commercial, but I thought it appropriate.

Webster defines the word author as: one that originates or creates, which is a pretty generic description. I know a lot of authors, some published, some not, and to define them as "one that creates" seems a little nondescript. The women that I know, who write, spill their blood on every page. They can spend thousands of hours, creating a new world and every single thing that lives inside it. A new race of people, a new language, new rules that make an age-old paranormal creature new and exciting again.

It all starts out with an idea. An idea that comes from out of nowhere. One day, you're driving in your car and a crazy woman driving faster than her beat up old Toyota appears to be capable of going, cuts you off. After you swear at her in multiple languages and give her an obscene gesture the thought runs through your mind that she just might be chasing after that idiot in the Hummer who tried to kill you just moments earlier. Maybe the idiot in the Hummer has stolen her prize Chihuahua and she has only minutes to get to the poor beast before she'll collapse from not having her seizure medication. And so it begins. The hours and days of researching Chihuahuas and endless hours talking with vets. Do Chihuahuas really have seizures? What would cause such a thing? Is there a cure? Can a Chihuahua have epilepsy?

We pour hours of our heart, soul and anything else we can possible put into the mix into this woman with the crazy Chihuahua fetish. We discover things about her and her life, that honestly, we didn't need to know. We learn so much about being a veterinarian and what kind of person would truly kidnap a dog that we dream about it. A lot. We keeps pads of paper and pens by the side of our bed, on the off chance that something brilliant comes to us in sleep. We do all of this, so that we can tell the crazy woman's story with a little bit of realism. So that the readers that we one day hope to have, get a true sense of her fear, her love for her animal and the understanding of just how much the anti-depressants really do help.

We go through all of this, so that we can submit to an agent/publisher/CP who will say. . . insert negative comment here.

Why do we do it? Why do we subject ourselves and our talent to this kind of criticism? Why can't we just write for ourselves and be happy with it? Be happy with knowing that we did the best that we could? Because we want the world to love it as much as we do. It's an illness really.

Why do you write?

Alpha Men

So I've been debating posting my rant about Michael Vick and I've decided against it. I can't imagine anything I say is going to change anything so I'm going to get over it, (yeah, right) and move on.

So let's talk about something really fun! MEN. Not just any men. Alpha men. I would like all of my blog readers, both of you, *snicker* to tell me what it is about alpha men that drives you crazy in a good way and crazy in the bad way. What makes a man an "alpha" in your opinion and what makes him just a big huge jerk? Also, who is your alpha man and what book is he in. This is my way of trying to get some research done without having to actually do any researching. ;) Thanks for your help, you guys are the best!

The Allure of the "Bad Boy"

What is the allure of the "bad boy" that makes normal, sensible women go weak in the knees and lose all common sense? What is it that they have that draws us away from the good, handsome, sensible choices available to us and makes us rise to challenge of wanting something from the "bad boy", that we know deep in our hearts, they are never going to give us?

I know that I've been referencing the television series Charmed a lot lately, and I mention this because I'm going to do it again, but in my defense, I've been watching a lot of it lately. I'm hooked. Hello, my name is Erika and I'm a Charmed-a-holic. Is that a word? Could it be?

In my previous posts I have said that I was in love with a fictional character and I meant it. Leo is absolutely perfect. He's a good person, he has a kind heart and good soul. He's handsome, smart, loyal and above all, a good guy. I still stand by what I said before.

Having said that, have you met Cole Turner?

Cole Turner is half human half demon. He's a bad guy who wants to be good for the woman he loves. How smexy is that???

So tell me ladies, what is it about the "bad boy" that makes you want him?

Willpower

Willpower: energetic determination; control of one's impulses and actions; self-control; the strength of will to carry out one's decisions, wishes, or plans; determination and self-discipline: a combination of determination and self-discipline that enables somebody to do something despite the difficulties involved; something Erika does not possess.

These are all defintions of willpower, most of them I found in online dictionaries, the last one I just knew off the top of my head.

We all use willpower throughout our lives in different areas. You use willpower to not eat the last donought in the box or to not call in sick to work even though there's a MONSTER sale going on at Macy's. We use willpower to not unground our children even though they look pitiful and sad and our anger is long over; but I think the most difficult part of willpower, at least in my life, is when we need to use it to do something we want to do.

I will go to the library to write, I will subject my writing to the critique of my friends, I will do research (YUK!) on amnesia, police and hospital procedure and last but not least, I will write a synopsis of my book and get my query letters submitted. Oh and let's not forget, I will not eat the ice cream that I know is sitting in the freezer calling my name!!!! I won't, I won't, I won't?

I have managed to lose 13 pounds *roar of the crowd* using what very tiny bit of willpower I actually have and it hasn't been easy, but I want it. I want to be healthy and I want to not be embarassed about how I look in a dress, that makes the willpower in me even stronger. How do you use your willpower? Is your willpower strong or do you suffer like I do?